They say that time plays a very important role in our lives. It can heal wounds with the snap of a finger. Just that a day includes 24 hours, an hour includes 60 minutes and a minute includes 60 seconds.
Time flies by and I simply wait with baited breath to see what life has in store for me. I am lost and confused. I want to run away from my life. I don't like it here anymore. I don't understand what's happening to me. I feel twisted in the head. My mind races through thoughts all the time. I can't sleep. My head wants to explode. I hate the way life feels right now.
I stood there in the office cafeteria this afternoon. I watched the people around me, as they all walked past me. I watched them as they were sitting and chatting with their friends and peers. I saw them and thought to myself...they too must have problems, we all do! What is it that brings a smile on their face and what is it that stops it from bringing a smile on mine. I thought, only if I were able to live someone else's life to see if they share the same pain that I do or even worse so that I could come back and probably not feel so terrible about my life.
Days turn into nights and nights into mornings and I wait...I wait for the sleep fairy to bestow her kindness upon me. I pop in a pill or two night after night so that the the sleep fairy would see my wrath and help me get out of it. The sleep fairy comes and goes and I lay around in my bed like a lifeless soul. No reading, no watching tv, no meditating can give my soul that peace and serenity that it requires at this point in time. I beg for your kindness to come and help me out. For only this once, like a little child would have said...
2 comments:
i read the second paragraph and said 'wow i feel the same way'
i read the third paragraph and wanted to let you know tht other ppl do share the same pain ... n wish i could explain it in words but know that life n times are so precarious now that it is impossible to do so.
but we do... in just last few weeks i have been thru so much ... i cant even begin to say ... but what you are feeling is so universal ... it isnt just you ... know that you can be strong to bear this cos the rest of us do.
look at me ... do you see it ? maybe a little ... but you gotta function, you gotta keep going.
to find a way to sleep ... without using extra help ... to love life as much as dreams
... to not-do at times even though your heart says 'talk to him cos you love him' but your heart is dead wrong
... to be willing to give anything time
... to be willing to walk away when you cant give the love he needs right now
... to live with understanding that somethings happen outside your control even if they are happening to you ...
so much pain out there to bear and it doesnt get easier...
but it is also accompanied with joy ...
..with sweet sms messages that you never expected
..with moments of love whether or not they last
..with the realization that you have fallen in love when you go back and reread your diary
..with songs you write because you are so inspired by love .. they are things you CAN keep forever even if he has to go away
..with freedom and the ability to look back on where you have been and how you have learned and grown and changed
..with the things you can DO now that you have learned and grown and changed
this is what life is
'how i hate it it but i love it and there's just no turning back'
dont know what else to say ...
just know you're not the only one.
that just makes me feel terrible about not being able to spend time with you. I am sorry that I haven't been around. I dont mean to be distant. We just tend to get occupied with what's happening in our lives, with work. And how! Let's change this. Let's meet up this weekend if possible..
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