Deeply disturbed!

They say that time plays a very important role in our lives. It can heal wounds with the snap of a finger. Just that a day includes 24 hours, an hour includes 60 minutes and a minute includes 60 seconds.

Time flies by and I simply wait with baited breath to see what life has in store for me. I am lost and confused. I want to run away from my life. I don't like it here anymore. I don't understand what's happening to me. I feel twisted in the head. My mind races through thoughts all the time. I can't sleep. My head wants to explode. I hate the way life feels right now.

I stood there in the office cafeteria this afternoon. I watched the people around me, as they all walked past me. I watched them as they were sitting and chatting with their friends and peers. I saw them and thought to myself...they too must have problems, we all do! What is it that brings a smile on their face and what is it that stops it from bringing a smile on mine. I thought, only if I were able to live someone else's life to see if they share the same pain that I do or even worse so that I could come back and probably not feel so terrible about my life.

Days turn into nights and nights into mornings and I wait...I wait for the sleep fairy to bestow her kindness upon me. I pop in a pill or two night after night so that the the sleep fairy would see my wrath and help me get out of it. The sleep fairy comes and goes and I lay around in my bed like a lifeless soul. No reading, no watching tv, no meditating can give my soul that peace and serenity that it requires at this point in time. I beg for your kindness to come and help me out. For only this once, like a little child would have said...

A web of many lives!

Went to the hospital, a couple of weeks ago. Why? The same old problem - my backache! My back had been giving me trouble again since the past few weeks. It had been difficult to move around and to be able to sit with ease. So i had decided to visit the doctor. I had met him the previous week and he had asked me to come back the following week. However, due to the pressure at work I was unable to do so. So I met him the next Saturday, that is as and when I got the time. So there I was, at the Apollo clinic at Vasant Kunj, in the lobby, waiting for the doctor. And I saw this family.

A father, a mother and a young girl. It appeared that the mother had come to collect some reports for some tests that she might have undergone earlier. The mother called out the little girl's name, trying to keep a watch on her. Malvika she said, as the girl wandered around in the lobby. She was carefree, just like any other kid would be. She tip toed, in and out of rooms where she obviously shouldn't have been going. She was this little person, so full of life. Despite the fact that her parents look worried after studying the reports she was just busy being herself, a kid! She would smile, look at her dad and ask, "Papa, what happenend to Mumma?" Papa didn't say much and dismissed her question by diverting her attention to a little toy. She then ran across the lobby, hopped onto one chair, then ran towards the other, sat there for a while and then moved on to the next one. She was like a doll who was totally unperturbed by what was happening around her, unlike me who seemed to have been caught up in their actions. Within a couple of minutes her father lifted her up in his arms and exited the lobby of the Apollo clinic.

I love watching people when they are doing their regular things. It gives me an insight into their lives. They are regular people with their regular problems. It just feels good to be able to relate to them once in a while. When I am feeling low and I see people who are happy around me, it instantly puts a smile on my face. Try it, it works!

Looking for someone...

I once heard this somewhere and it just stuck with me ever since.

We all need a witness. A witness to our daily lives! We want to be able to share everything that happens with us with that special someone, even if it’s something as petty as what happened with us a few moments ago. Some of us are lucky enough to find that person in our lives and the rest of us take to our friends.

For many years I believed in sharing my life with friends. I have always valued my friends a lot. Our friends look out for us; they are always by our side. I’m glad that I have been able to find such friends in my life. Though I admit that with time I have lost in touch with some of them.

For some people their friends are special enough and for some it’s that certain someone. Someone who would constantly be watching over us. Someone who would be a part of us. A part of every memory, every wound, every moment of happiness and pain. Someone who would be our diamond!

A wise person once told me this - Often people get so busy collecting marbles that they forget about the diamonds. I think I have it figured just right!

my most memorable moment...??

Ever been posed with a question like - what's your most memorable moment? Well I have always been at the other end, the person who asks this question. The usual responses that I get to hear include - "My most memorable moment is when I got my first salary, when I bought my car, when I won an award, when I got married....." and the list goes on. I know, that in my life, there have been many events and incidents which have been very important but I couldn't really figure out my response to this particular question.

Hmmm...my most memorable moment is ....when I fell in love. When I fell in love with myself, for the person that I am. When I fell in love with life and all the things it has to offer, along with the people in it. Life is very beautiful!

I like to believe that we have very little control on our lives. And that life has it's own course and we simply go with the flow. Everything in life happens for a reason and it happens for the best. We just need to put two and two together and figure it out for ourselves. I like my life. It's not perfect though but as the wise say that nothing can ever be perfect. I like the person I've shaped out to be; the credit of which goes to the events of the past. It's all amazing how this works! I can't say much but I love how it feels right now!

:)